Tactical' gossips
by Grain Crain
Summary: Just three old timers gossiping about their young comrades. General fluffs and positive relationship stories. There will be more characters involved as the chapter goes, which I will put on the tags when they appear. Mark "Mute" Chandar/James "Smoke" Porter Seamus "Sledge" Cowden/James "Smoke" Porter There may be more ships.
1. Chapter 1

As someone who had lived most of his life in the Hereford base, Mike could proudly say he was part of the living legend of SAS. He endured countless hostile situations, experience three wars and survived, which deemed him as a seasoned soldier with sharpened sense. He never accepted the fancy change in the military equipment, regarding laser sight to be a hindrance to his honed ability. It was such pleasure for Mike to meet some of the older veterans and officers who had a similar idea of weapon, which was primarily the reason why he hung out with two of the oldest operators in the team. The two had unique gadgets that intrigued Mike during their practice and real hostile encounter. The three occasionally sat together during meals and played a simple card game to kill some time and built up nerves.

Tonight was no different from their usual gathering. A dim-lit table in the living room reflecting on a bottle containing amber liquour set a relaxing atmosphere, especially as the three had some of the alcohol in their own cup. The base was peacefully quiet with the majority of the young blood flooded out, hoping to seek livelier population. Some of the older ones were already knocked off into slumber but Thatcher knew that he would only gain some quiet and private company at 0200. One would think that old people have an easier time sleeping early, but for individuals who lived in constant stress and alert, the trauma younger days jabs their subconscious in a form of nightmare.

"Straight flush." Said a voice who sat across Mike. The other man put his cards down and sighed.

"I swear that you aren't honest in his game." Gilles frowned at the winner of the round and took a sip of whiskey.

"Accusing me of foul play? Have some faith." Vincente spread his arms on the table, showing his bare arms which indicated that he had no rooms to hide cards. Mike suspected Vincente as well but he couldn't careless since he wasn't the one losing the bet.

"Looks like I will be saving my money after all." Mike grinned as he saw the crevice on Gilles' forehead deepened.

"Alright. I am done for the night." Gilles' announced his defeat and pushed his chair back a little. He shuffled, took out few notes of 10 pounds and tossed them on the table.

"Fair enough. I was starting to worry about your retirement plans." Vincente chuckled at Mike's comment, which Gilles' also smiled along.

"I am still in the game; just not the cheating kind." Gilles poured another glass for himself and raised his eyebrows at Vincente.

"Speaking of games, have you heard any more from your boys? They seem to be playing some sort of mind-plays." Vincente ignored the confrontation and asked Mike. For few seconds, Mike didn't know what Vincente was talking about, then he remembered the last time that Seamus paid him a visit to his room.

"Indeed that I have. Why, I might have gained an extra wrinkle, thanks to those wankers." The oldest operator gulped a large amount from his glass and ran his fingers against the greying hair.

"What about them?" Gilles asked and shifted closer to Mike who was massaging his temple. Vincente kept his eyes on the French, shuffling the cards and snuck few under his singlet.

The story began a few months ago when Mike finally became comfortable with his fellow comrades of SAS. As someone who is known to be a grouchy geezer, the younger operators hesitated of approaching Mike. It was James who broke the ice by asking the origin of Mike's operator name, and started to call him 'Maggie.' The other two were polite enough to call Mike by his operator or surname, but that cheeky bastard James kept calling him Maggie in a similar tone of a child calling for his mother.

"Oh, just call me Margaret, why don't you?" He asked James in unimpressed tone, showing clearly that he wasn't amused.

"Blimey. Where is the love in that?" James gasped in a dramatic manner and placed his hand on the chest. Ever since that day, James became the 'nutjob #1' on Mike's mental note. Eventually, he filtered out James' annoying humour and never shown much reaction because Mike was an experienced professional at mentoring little shits. It also helped that James was actually useful in the missions, which Mike gave him full credit for. The team bonded through practising or fighting number of situations, which satisfied Mike as he equated positive relationship between teammates to a higher chance for them to survive. He didn't dare to show any mellow emotions, but fully appreciated the talented individuals of his squad. Everything was in order under his careful observation of his and other squads' operators. This sense of harmony was short lived when one night, James decided to drag Mike out of his bunk bed.

"Fuck off." Mike groaned and tried to swat away the finger that kept poking his shoulder.

"Don't tell me that you are senile already," James whispered.

"I can tell you that we got an early morning routine tomorrow. Stop acting fresh and go to sleep." Mike squinted at the crouched frame in front of him. He could still see James lingering around, strangely silent as if James was thinking before he spoke. It was a rare sight that stirred a little bit of curiosity in his drowsy brain, but Mike really wanted to close his dry eyes without being disturbed.

"Mike, please. I need your thought on this." The seriousness of James' tone woke Mike, who wondered what could be so important to drop the whole clown-act. Although he doubted that there was anything important, Mike agreed to have a talk with James and step out of the bunk as quiet as possible. They sat outside in the garage and Mike gained more conscience as the cool breeze tickled his goose bumps. It was a long wait for him to hear James' big news. Mike probably would have nodded off to sleep if James didn't spill the beans without any context.

"You reckon a one night stand can be made into something more than a good shag?" James blurted, staring at Mike for an approval.

"As long as your condom managed to be not broken." Mike tried his best to choose more subtle vocabulary and failed miserably.

"it didn't break, but that's not the issue," James answered.

"I think any woman would appreciate not being knocked up on their one night," Mike replies, wondering if James was somehow a daft product of shitty sexual education that the United Kingdom offered.

"wasn't a girl," James ' sudden reveal of his sexual preference surprised Mike only for a short moment, not out of negative judgement but at how James appeared to trust Mike enough for such a big reveal.

"Who is it?" Mike asked, hoping it wasn't the yanks.

"You know him. Our quiet lad." James shifted back and forth, resembling a child who got caught eating something forbidden.

"You fucking what?" Mike's rhetorical question had a mixture of disbelief and frustration. There were many situations that he dealt while mentoring the fresh recruits that involved emotional conflicts. Almost all of them were heated competitiveness or miscommunication. Mike knew how to solve those, but the romance in the military? Mike only heard about those scenarios. Love wasn't Mike's field of expertise given by how he practically married to his job. Anything that related to love seemed unpredictable and finicky to Mike, which was the last thing that a successful squad needed.

"I know, I am a bloody poofter. We were puss drunk at a bar and things led on and on." James hung his head low as if he was trying to hide the regret in coming out. Mike sensed the tinge of red on James' face and tried to find the right words.

"Listen. Whoever you choose to drag on your bed doesn't matter to me. I am not going to be judging you on who to chase after. As long as you do your job while holding a gun, you can be whoever you are." Mike softened his gaze at James who stated back with genuine surprise.

"I don't know much about wooing anyone but you could use your jokes. It's about time for them to be useful." Mike said and smirked. He was relieved to see James rolling his eyes with less tension on his shoulders.

"Always the wise one, Maggie." James teased and chuckled.

"No need to state the obvious. Now, let me sleep for god's sake." Mike walked back, leaving James behind. His pace was quicker than the usual, with his brain busily pondering upon the unfamiliar situation in his career. It's okay. He was confident in his decision of supporting James was the best he could do. The most crucial thing in any relationship is respect, and Mike gave it to James. It was James' responsibility in balancing his personal and work life. If this all worked out nicely, those two would have something to look forward after their military retirement, unlike Mike himself.

The story took a bit of break when Mike fell silent.

"You have told us that story last week," Gilles said, stretching his arms out if boredom.

"Didn't it go well? Those two work quite nicely, no?" Vincent's added.

"There is more to it. They weren't the problem," Mike paused, massaging his temples again.

"It was Seamus."


	2. Chapter 2

Towering boulder of a human-built heavy weapon. That was the first impression of Seamus when the S.A.S recruited him. Despite being treated as the revolutionary in the field of tactical breaching, Seamus didn't let himself slip into cocky mannerism. The way he used confidence and modesty definitely helped his troop's morale. Mike cherishes Seamus' attitude as a front man and regards his physique as mere a gift from the Scottish heritage. This doesn't mean that Mike sees Seamus as some sort of perfect soldier because humans are, and will always be, fragile as ever. Seamus has an air of composure and calm, but Mike has been noticing the hidden side of Seamus under the gas mask.

"Is he a gay as well?" Vicente let out a long stream of smoke from his cigar.

"Let me finish first," Mike says and closes his eyes to think for a better explanation.

Mike guessed Seamus to be one of those people who tire themselves out for the sake of the group. He had never been the one to bring the mood down around his comrades, especially with his close peers. Being with the other thee exceptional members of S.A.S somehow appeared to relieve Seamus from the loneliness of idolisation.

"'Exceptional,' he says. Try to be modest, will you?" Gilles scoffs at how Mike is describing the S.A.S as a bunch of wacky genius.

"Fuck's sake, do you want me to finish?" Mike's scowl amuses the other two.

After being recruited by the Rainbow, the British lot stayed within themselves. Mike had always been a step behind the three younger comrades and watched the growth of their relationship. James was the one who acted chummy and touchy with Mark. He dragged the poor guy out of the barrack and claimed to give Mark the opportunity of 'catching up with all of the social skills that he missed out as a teenager.' Seamus tagged along as a self-imposed mediator, but he was mostly eager to be with James. The three hopped between bars and clubs during their free time to the point of having Seamus carrying either of James or Mark back to the barrack. However, the seemingly unbreakable friendship was disturbed after James came out of the closet to Mike. The segregation wasn't visibly obvious at first, as it was the small details such James talking less with Seamus or Mark trying to initiate more conversation with James. Within few weeks, Seamus also took a step back from the two and banished himself to the workshop to clean his shotgun and breaching hammer. This went on almost every day until the two came to seek for him. Although this whole ordeal resembled one of those cringe inducing high-teen drama, Mike began to pity Seamus when James and Mark paid less visit to the workshop. Realising that he was being left out, Seamus stopped spending his time polishing his weapons and began to pump exercise machines religiously. He trapped himself in a trance and ignored everybody near him. Time passed by and Mike could feel the thin layer of tension between the three. Nobody made an issue out of this as their teamwork during the hostile situations didn't falter.

"See, here is something that I don't understand," Gilles gently swirls his glass.

"Why don't you Englishmen talk?" The question confuses Mike and make him wonder if Gilles has been paying attention.

"I believe I have been talking fine." Mike replies and slows his words as if Gilles isn't capable of understanding English.

"No, no. As in, why doesn't Seamus tell the two about how he feels? You could have intervened as well, all four of you could have a diplomatic chat." Gilles speaks in a condemning tone as if Mike has failed with his job at being the senior of the group.

"They are not children nor I am their nanny. If they have problems, they should sort it out within themselves. If you let me finish, you will know that I did my job." Mike huffs. Before Gilles adds another objection, Mike fastens the pace of his story to the night when Seamus decided to talk. His visit wasn't as sneaky as James' as it happened during their dinner. Mike could spot the tall Scot from meters away who walked towards him. Seamus wasn't looking at Mike as his eyes were locked on the table that his former-best friends sat. He kept watching them and blindly shifted his legs between the bench and the table. He managed to sit beside Mike without pushing him over.

"Evening," Seamus finally turned his head to Mike and give him an awkward, straight-lined smile.

"Evening." Mike replied and curtly nodded.

The two chewed their food in silence and let the background noise fill the gap between them. Mike didn't plan to stay since his tray was on the brink of being empty, but that was until Seamus finally said something.

"Do you notice something different?" Seamus cocked his head at James and Mark, who didn't notice their fellow comrades across the room.

"What of?" Mike feigned ignorance.

"Them." said Seamus and dipped his head again in an exaggerated motion.

"Well, I know that you are not with them." Mike replied.

"Have they said something to you?" Seamus asked the question that Mike hoped to not hear.

"It's not my business to tattle about what's been said. Why don't you ask them yourself?" Seamus furrowed his eyebrows at Mike and looked visibly unsatisfied.

"I would have if they haven't been avoiding me. I can't exactly ambush them when I am two meter tall and looking like a pasty white ogre. " Mike refrained from laughing and tried to respect Seamus' frustration.

"They will come to you when they come." Mike honestly didn't want to solve this issue for them. Yes, he did care about these pansies but he had no energy to be their carrier pigeon.

"And if they don't?" asked Seamus who stared at Mike as if he was waiting to hear a favourable answer.

"Find better friends who won't be such stuck ups." Mike grabbed his tray and was eager to leave before Seamus flooded him more questions.

"Even if I fancy him?" Seamus blurted out loud and gained some attention. Mike was grateful for Seamus' tendency to have a thicker accent when he was stressed, because none of the other operators seemed to understand what Seamus had just said. To prevent Seamus from spitting out more of private parts in his life, Mike pulled the taller man out of the dining room and ordered him to wait by the door. He went back and came out with two familiar faces who froze at the sight of Seamus. Mike gripped tight on the collar of James' and Mark's shirts, and stomped towards the secluded area of the barrack.

"Alright, talk." Mike firmly stood with his arms crossed and waited for them to say something. The longest minute passed and Mike thought of leaving the scene to give them some privacy.

"James," Mark called with his voice deeper than the usual.

"I don't think it was you who I slept with that night." All three exchanged a confused look.

"But we woke up together, butt-naked. I thought that we shagged?" James blushed, placed his hands in the pockets and tried to hide something on his groin.

"No, when we did it again the day after you asked me out, your dick... wasn't the same." Mark made a tiny gap between his index and thumb, which deepened the shade of red on James' face.

"Oh. Oh no." Seamus squat down and hid his face between his knees.

"Was it you?" When Mark asked Seamus, James was whispering a chant of denial.

"Yes," Seamus lifted his head up and answered in quiet voice.

"But I thought you were James." Seamus' words created even more emotional meltdown between the three men.

"Well, where the fuck was you when we woke up in the motel?" James raised his voice and directed his disappointment of one-night mistake at Seamus.

"I went back to the barracks because we weren't supposed to stay outside! You were awake when I left, so I thought you guys came with me but didn't, and I have been wanting to talk to you but you kept avoiding me, making me wonder if you are talking shite about me!" Seamus finally exploded and let all of the pent-up stress out loose. That was the side of Seamus that Mike saw through his façade because he knew that Seamus pretended like nothing affected him while he was very conscious of what people thought of him.

"Of course I wouldn't talk to you when I thought I fucked Mark! I was avoiding almost everybody because for once in my life, I was trying to be responsible." James spat out the last word as if he recently started to learn about the concept. No one said anything and the silence crept back which created thicker layer of tension. Mike's head throbbed with annoyance and he contemplated on how to resolve this sappy soap opera. He leered at each and every one and decided to assume the role that he spent his entire life into. Mike quickly fixed his posture into a sturdy stance with his right arm angled and touched his hipbone. It was the stance that every British army man should know.

"Cowden, Porter, Chandar," Mike called them with raspy and curt voice, which they responded by leaping up and standing similarly to Mike.

"Do you swear to the Queen and on your honour as the member of Special Air force Service, that we will serve and protect for the safety of this nation?" The three took their time, unsure of what to make out of this situation. They murmured their answers in unison.

"You have led yourselves astray from the duties as a soldier," there was clear anger in Mike's intonation.

"It is fundamental that we ensure success in every mission we are given. Even the most absolute cooperation will grant you a very small chance of survival during the hostile attacks, and you have been neglecting your rights to communicate because of one night's misunderstanding." No one opposed to those words that spoke the truth.

"Am I going to fight alongside with soldiers who do not value their comrades' lives?" Mike spoke low and deliberately with more volume. They denied and stared straight back at Mike.

"Good. Now I am going to suggest you lot to talk and sort out the mess that you put yourselves in. I don't care if all of you wankers fucking choose to wank each other off or pretend that this has never happened. If one of you wants one-on-one relationship, the third party will have to accept their wish and remain polite. Am I understood?" After witnessing a clear salute from the three, Mike nodded and left the area. The next day when he met them, they were moving in groups of three as if nothing had happened. It was a pain to endure James' taunts on how Mike sounded like a patriotic grandpa, but it was an even trade considering how James stopped calling Mike 'Maggie.'

"That is the most unnecessarily dramatic and non-diplomatic way to solve an emotional problem." Gilles yawns and rubs his eyes.

"I think that hit the right spot for them, actually." Vicente smiles and offers to fill a cup for Mike, who is obviously impressed with how he handled the situation.

"I will pass. I need to sort something out before the bed." Mike stands up and walks towards the garage area.

"You forgot to tell us one more thing," Mike turns around and waits for Vicente to finish his sentence.

"Did they end up together or single?" A grin appears on Mike's tired face which deepens the bags under his eyes.

"They are wankers, Vicente, immature fucks. If they get into trouble, I won't be the one saving their arse in the future." Gilles hears a faint jingle of keys and remembers how the garage door to the utility truck has been used without any delivery. Mike winks at both men and puts his finger to the lips before walking out.

"Not a nanny, he says."


	3. Chapter 3

'Honesty is the best policy' has been the motto that Gilles holds to his heart whenever his moral sense wanes. He uses this philosophy to forge a strong bond between him and his team together, which had been mostly successful. You can often see the GIGN crew have petty arguments and huge fights, but those all became valuable learning experiences for them. Over the two years, Gilles learned to regard the GIGN and handful of other operators as part of his family and close friends.

While Gilles is extremely proud of his way of living, there are times when he faces the negative consequences of being overtly tactless. He has been quick to admit his errors and release his stress by putting himself in the workshop. The process of rebuilding and deconstructing 'Le Roc' calms him down and gives him something to fidget in his hands while thinking over his mistakes. In times of his internal conflict, Gilles usually prefers to be alone, but tonight he is stuck with one problem that was beyond his capability. He is usually not the one to admit that honesty isn't the skeleton key to every problems, but tonight has to be an exception if he wants to discuss the issue with Mike and Vicente.

"Stop fondling with your shield and 'fess up." Mike mumbles and checks the clock in the workshop. It is almost midnight and the number of empty rum bottles on the floor indicates how long they had been waiting for Gilles to talk.

"I could still solve this on my own," Gilles mutters without looking at the other two men.

"I would let you, but you are the one making us wait for hours and still have the audacity to ask for our opinion on one of your freshly gay idiots." Mike rubs his chin and clicks his tongue in annoyance.

"Alright, I will talk. But don't call him that." Gilles admits, lifts his head and begins to talk. He recounts the day when Julien told the GIGN crew about his interest in one particular guy. The crew excitedly supported him with advice and tactics they learned from their own experiences. They knew it ought to be the Korean guy that he saved a while ago and cheered him from afar whenever the two hung out occasionally. This attracted few attentions since the two were an unusual pair, but nobody focussed on them because Emmanuelle always diverted the attention with her shock drones. Gustave described them as a dog and cat's relationship, where one radiated with showers of attention while the other remained quiet but still attached from time to time. He thought this relationship could bring out the positive synergy between the two.

"I told him to be direct when asking out." Gilles sighs and begrudgingly describes the episode of havoc. It happened in the living room with few people around, which was a perfect place for some privacy but also a mood of composure. Julien asked Gilles to be there as a moral support and they had planned what to say before this event. He watched Julien sitting opposite to Chul Kyung and the two shared some casual chat. When Julien finally confessed, Gilles thought it was the perfect time after all the build-up of few weeks until this moment. He even heard what Julien said, so he was shocked when Chul Kyung slammed the table and gave Gilles a piercing glare before he darted out of the room. Julien was stunned for few seconds and followed after Chul Kyung, but it was too late. The stealth master had gone back to the shadows and Julien could only see him during their planning phase in the future missions. Chul Kyung kept his distance from GIGN and Julien tried his hardest to swallow his disappointment.

"What did he even say?" Vicente asks.

"Something along the line of being a romantic partner together," Gilles replies.

"There's the problem. He jumped at least few milestones before reaching the destination." Mike shakes his head and sips on a bottle of rum.

"If I remember, you are the one telling your boys to jump right across the whole milestone." Vicente snatches the bottle away and places it closer to Gilles.

"Them? I can't tell them to fuck off when they already have fucked, mistaken or not." Mike glares at Vicente and reaches for the bottle. Gilles quickly passes it back to prevent Mike from toppling over the parts for his shield on the table.

"If you want to talk about milestones, Julien has been giving Chul plenty of signs." Gilles describes the hugs, casual shoulder holds and how they were physically close to each other. Those actions had been very subtle because Julien didn't want to scare Chul Kyung away with bold moves.

"Well, that's what mates do, yeah? Nothing special there. You guys were too quick to judge the situation. Shouldn't have confessed so soon." Mike continues to elaborate his disapproving attitude. Despite how Gilles is annoyed with Mike's tone of arrogance, he lets him speaks since Mike seems to be knowledgeable of relationship problems than him.

"What do you mean?" Gilles puts his pride aside, asks and narrows his eyes at Mike's smirk.

"You should have let the two keep their close relationship. Less flirting, no willy-touching and what not." Mike gulps another sip of rum and leers at the other two for chuckling at his weirdly British vocabulary.

"Then he should have worked his way through, especially with a lampshade like Chul. Keep up with meetups because where the mind goes, the body will follow." Mike blinks and frows as if the alcohol burned his throat.

"In time, the closeness becomes something. They will make memories that are private between them. Some might say there is a wall between close friendship and romantic relation, but no. They can let it flow, allowing best friends to touch each other more than just their body. There may be times when they two are stuck in middle, which can still work out. But one day, they will have to choose which side to stick with. A side that will hurt less for both of them." Mike's perspective on romance astounds Gilles. Hearing such sentimental notion felt completely out of character on Mike, who is famous for his cynicism.

"Of course, this won't work if one of them don't feel the same way." Mike quickly adds, as if he has forgotten to mention the obvious.

"That is too ambiguous. They might end up hurting each other for beyond." Although Gilles understands the metaphor of fluid intimacy between people, he isn't compelled to agree with Mike. Gilles still thinks that it wouldn't have been a good idea for Julien to hold his feeling for Chul Kyung in the name of 'friendship.'

"They are already hurt. They should have waited and now it's too late." While Gilles doesn't appreciate Mike's negative attitude, he is afraid to accept the possible damage that his hasty advice might have done to the two younger operators. He reminds himself that Julien and Chul Kyung are adults who can sort out their own conflicts, but the emotion that Chul Kyung showed unsettled him. Was that a fear? Shock? Or even worse - disgust?

"If the Coreano has rejected him," Vicente pats on Gilles' shoulder with a sympathetic smile.

"I can set him up with Taina. She will set that boy right up." Mike grimaces at such abrupt proposal and waves his hand at Vicente. Both of Gilles and Mike knows that Taina is a cluster of troubles, but they don't dare to mention it in front of her doting father-figure.

"I reckon," Mike slurs in tiredness and sluggishly stands up from the stool.

"that either of you or your child should do some investigation on this shy guy. Have a wee little chat with a handful of people that he talks to, or at least find out where he hides." With his last suggestion, Mike bids farewell and asks Vicente to walk out of the workshop with him before he turns this ordeal into an arranged date. Gilles is left alone and stares at few parts of the shield on the workbench in deep contemplation. He wonders if he learned anything out of the conversation between him and the two. There isn't a definite solution and the gossip seemed to lead more gossips. He thought about talking to Chul Kyung during the mission but he decides against the idea as it seems highly unprofessional of him. Causing possible disharmony to the team right before they engage in dangerous situations is beyond stupid. Gilles feels like a failure of being someone dependable for his teammates and Julien's heartbroken face haunts him with guilt. If there is something that he can to solve this, he would do anything. Only if he knows what to do.

"Mr Touré?" A whisper of female voice comes out of nowhere and startles Gilles.

"Are you there?" The voice is from his phone, which has been in his pocket. He pulls it out and answers the call.

"Who is this?" Gilles askes in a low voice, holds his handgun in the other hand and stations himself close to the entrance of the workshop.

"It's me, Grace." The name has a familiar ring. He almost blurt 'Grace Kelly' and when he finally remembers, his eyes widen in surprise for this timely opportunity. He is excited to hear from Grace Nam, the other Korean who has the most direct connection with the ever-elusive Chul Kyung.

"I will cut to the chase." Grace hushes. He can hear the faint noise of wind from the background and wonders if she is outside.

"Don't even bother asking around where Chul Kyung is. He has been staying with me for a while and he is driving me crazy. I need you to take him away and make him talk to his future boyfriend." Gilles is taken aback by how the topic was abruptly brought up. Before he could even ask how she knew Gilles' plan of searching for the guy, she starts to talk faster as if someone is going to chase her.

"Sorry for hacking into your phone. I had to know where you were and didn't mean to overhear what's been said. Come up to the roof by using the ladder on the fourth floor. Gotta be tomorrow at noon and-" The phone disconnects and he could only hear eerie static of white noise. Gilles stares at his phone, squints in confusion and becomes very concerned of what happened to Grace. Just as he is about to run down the hallway, his phone vibrates and receives a text message.

[Sorry that the call was cut off. In the middle of playing hide-and-seek with this maniac. You will be seeing him tomorrow at 12 pm, and don't bring your friends. He only wants you.]


	4. Chapter 4

"아, 씨발.  
(Ah, fuck.)" Grace mutters as she leans against a wall to collect her breath. It has been some time after she sent a message to Gilles and she had no time to take a break after the relentless leg works. She wasn't about to admit that her limit is near, but trying to outrun someone taller and faster than her had been quite the challenge. She dries the sweat away and recaps on the events that led up to this point, which happened nearly a week ago.

Under a normal circumstance, Chul Kyung and Grace often repeated a series of conditioning exercise they had learned from the 707th SMB. Since it was his idea, Grace wasn't surprised when he barged into her door and ordered her to start the physical drills with him. There was nothing out of ordinary during their first few hours of training so she was ready to leave after the last lap. When she thought it was over, he proved her wrong and asked to double the time on their regimen. They spent nearly the whole day sprinting and jumping around, and finally stopped when it became too dark to see the path. The training continued as soon as the sun rose and she groaned with body ache when Chul Kyung dragged her to the shooting range. During these three hours, they used their shared shotguns repeatedly like a pair of garden sprinklers that spat out mountains of empty shells. He gave her no time to rest after the lunch and pushed her to repeat the same exercise from the night before until their limbs were limp. He even wrote down the full schedule on a paper and Grace was horrified to see chunks of squares and blocks. The smallest gaps were for the meal, toilet break and weapons maintenance.

"장난해? 인권 유린으로 고소할거야.  
(Are you kidding me? I am gonna sue you for the abuse of human rights.)" Grace shot her hand out to snatch the paper and huffed at her futile effort when he lifted it up even higher, away from her reach.

"법도 안 믿으면서, 뭘. 다 널 위해서야  
(You don't even trust the law. It's all for your own good.)" He replied with a faint smile and gently ruffled her bang. She understood that he meant well, but it was clear that these intense workouts had different meanings to him. Grace grew worried when she saw him falter in middle of the run or accidentally load empty shells. Their shared routine became more of a careful observation on Grace's part because she feared for his reckless behaviour which might lead to health and safety problems. She wanted to ask if something happened between him and Julien but it seemed to be a sensitive subject when they hardly talked to each other during meals. The hellish work-outs went on for four days and Grace would have fainted of extreme exhaustion if Monika didn't reach out to her rescue. Along with Grace and Monika, there were a handful of other operators who occasionally had an engineering conference, which was also known as the 'nerd party.' One of them bribed Mark to convince Chul Kyung on the importance of this gathering and with some group effort, Grace was allowed to be off the hook for half an hour. She almost cried in Emmanuelle's arms and complained about how she was being treated unfairly.

"You know he cares about you, Grace-chen. He is trying to toughen you up. Isn't he your, hm, oh-pa?" Monika consoled and offered Grace a can of beer. Grace was tempted to take a sip but refrained as she remembered this was only a temporary break.

"오빠 (oppa,) and no, I am not even sure if that's what he wants. I am keeping him company because he is just throwing his body into this ridiculous amount of exercise. It's as if he can't stay still for one second." Grace held onto the can and relished on the cold touch in her palm.

"Well, he better be feeling restless because I am not going to leave him alone for what he did to Julien." Emmanuelle scoffed and harshly yanked out few electrical wires from her drone.

"What did he do?" Grace asked and checked the clock to see if she had enough time to gain some information on this whole ordeal.

"Wait, hasn't he told you yet?" Emmanuelle asked in confusion.

"He says nothing about his personal life. I only know that he and Julien have been hanging out a lot together recently." Grace sighed with frustration and rummaged through her bag for the laptop. She logged on and quickly searched for the hacked chat log between Chul Kyung and Julien's phone. The last message was the same as four days ago when Julien sent Chul Kyung a message for a meet up in the living room. Emmanuelle peeked into the monitor and shook her head in disappointment.

"Stupid boys. They really need to talk." Monika fiddled and straightened the wires that were crushed by Emmanuelle.

"Can you fill me in?" Grace began to feel nervous and wonder what sort of trouble had been brewing around the shy guy. She intently listened to Emmanuelle and filtered out the details that were emotionally subjective to the GIGN operators. The story started from their close friendship with disguised flirts, which Grace already knew of. When she finally heard the moment of confession, Grace immediately understood the reason behind Emmanuelle's aggression towards Chul Kyung.

"이 쑥맥새끼.  
(This idiotic bastard.)"Grace mumbled and squeezed her hand as hard as her tired muscle would allow. This new surge of energy could help her to run outside, find the fool and knock his teeth out for his stupid decision.

"Grace, your face could kill someone." Monika tapped on Grace's shoulder.

"Right. Thank you for the break, guys. I have a job to do." Grace regained some strength from her new found determination with a hint of anger. She left the can back on the table and took a deep breath to calm herself down. Different thoughts and emotions buzzed in her head as she contemplated on what to do with him. Discussing any issue that touched on his emotional conflict almost always ended up being boring and interrogative. She thought about beating around the bush but that usually led nowhere. The direct confrontation may involve some chasing games, but it worked the best with him so far. She needed to gather some information and plan out what to say and hoped to inspire him to be more honest with his feelings.

Three days whizzed by and Grace had been using every second of her precious sleeping time to prepare this moment. The ultimate piece of the puzzle was to arrange a time for a meet up with Gilles, who supposedly advised Julien to take the relationship to the next level. Despite the pain and ache from her body, she pushes herself off from the wall and set her stance sturdy and firm. She hears the soft footsteps and squeezes her fists when a familiar figure approaches.

"오빠, 뭐 나한테 할말 없어?  
(Oppa, haven't you got something to tell me?)" She crosses her arms, lifts her chin and asks in a soft tone. Her stomach quivers with anticipation, even more so when he scans her up and down and squints.

"…머리 잘랐니?  
(…did you cut your hair?)" He cautiously replies. Grace bites into her cheeks to chase the flutter of laughter away and reminds herself to keep the tension alive before dropping the bomb.

"그거 말고. 줄리앙 한테 고백 받았다며?  
(Not that. I heard that you got asked out by Julien?)" As soon as she addresses the elephant in the room, his eyes shoot up with weariness.

"누가 그래?  
(Who said that?)" Chul Kyung steps forward and glares down at her. She reciprocates the staring competition and clenches her jaws tight. How dare he attempt to intimidate her? She is Grace, the rebellious youngster. She has been facing most of her troubles and problems with her gusty attitude and Chul Kyung isn't about to change that.

"상관 없고. 그래서, 뭐라 했는데?  
(Doesn't matter. So, what did you say?)" She stands her ground and continues to demand a straightforward answer.

"넌 몰라도 돼.  
(You don't have to know.)" He takes a step back while maintaining the eye-contact. She has to think of something to say before he runs away.

"자리를 박차고 나가버렸다던데.  
(Heard that you ran away on a spur of the moment.)" Grace knows her accusation could be a risky move. She curses to herself when he retreats further and slowly turns away from her. Out of desperation, Grace follows him, places her hand on his shoulder and gives him a gentle squeeze. She gulps in impatience as she feels a slight pull under her fingertips.

"오빠, 진짜 그러는거 아냐.  
(Oppa, you can't be doing that.)" It isn't her intention to sound like a scolding mother-figure. Her stomach drops when his body stiffens. Clearly, Chul Kyung does not tolerate being condescended by someone who is younger than him.

"그만해라.  
(Stop it.)" Grace is tempted to let go when he growls in low and hushed tone, but she braces herself and pursues.

"걔 좋아하는거 아니었어?  
(Didn't you like him?)" It is her turn to be cautious with words. Grace keeps her contact with him and leans forward to catch a glimpse of his face.

"아니야.  
(No.)" He sighs, turns toward her direction and shakes off her hand. They resume to face each other, but this time it is Grace gazing down at him as he slouches against the wall. His thousand-yard stare directs toward empty space behind Grace as if he is making a conscious effort to hide the truth on his face without the trustworthy ballistic mask.

"거짓말 하지마. 둘이 같이 있을때 서로 얼마나 깨 볶는줄 알아?  
(Don't lie to me. Haven't you noticed how sweet you two are together?)" Grace reminisces those rare moments of witnessing the mellow expression that he forgets to hide around Julien. She noticed the amount of time Chul Kyung spent in finding a perfect spot to be close-but-yet-far from Julien, which hardly mattered because Julien always shifted closer regardless of where Chul Kyung sat. He often sneakily placed a large piece of meat from his tray to Julien's, or handed out an extra amount of fruits and lectured 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away.' There were also times when Chul Kyung constantly walked ahead of Julien but randomly halted to tie his shoelaces or intentionally slowed down to be caught up.

"줄리앙이랑 있을때 행복하지 않아?  
(Aren't you happy when you are with Julien?)" It isn't a question, but more of a plead for honesty from him. His attention briefly returns to her but quickly diverts to somewhere else.

"그게 중요한게 아니야.  
(That's not important.)" He mumbles as if he is talking to himself.

"뭐가 중요한데?  
(What is important, then?)" She probes and wonders if her voice is reaching into his sub-consciousness.

"내 임무. 국가를 위해 바치는 이 몸,  
(My duty. This body that I devote to the country,)" The monotone whisper is soulless which emphasises his blank expression.

"사람나고 나라났지, 나라나고 사람났어? 도데체-  
(People make the country, not the other way around. How can you-" Grace is irritated with the mindless and automatic responses from him. She used to regard his attitude as some sort of mindless patriotism, which caused a huge misunderstanding between them when he 'offered' to help her out. It took a while for her to understand his true intention and let him grow on her.

"그리고 너.  
(And you.)" There it is. The annoyingly self-imposed big brother finally shows a spark in his eyes when he talks about someone he really cares about. Seeing that he bears the similar compassion for Julien, Grace decides to help him in admitting those feelings that he may not be aware of.

"내가 뭘? 나 오빠 없이도 잘 살수있어.  
(What about me? I can live well without you.)" She fully means what she says because it is about time for him to be less paranoid for her safety.

"퍽이나. 넌 아직 철부지 애야.  
(As if. You are still an immature child.)" He dismisses and scoffs. Grace feels her temper rising as she becomes tired of everything that had happened. Her lungs heat up and lips are dry as she licks them for the final attempt to have a civil conversation with him.

"난 어른이고, 내 앞가림 정도는 다 할수있는데, 오빠는? 오빠는 미래에 대한 생각이 하나도 없어?  
(I am an adult who can look after myself, but what about you? Do you think nothing about your future?)" The words almost seeps through her teeth. She waits for a reply and expects some sort of movement from him. Few minutes pass and when Chul Kyung finally moves, he pats on her head and walks past her. When Grace regains her senses, she realises what had just happened and something snaps inside of her.

"야, _!  
(Hey, _!)" The whole area echoes with her hoarse bellow as she calls out his previous name.

"너 지금-  
(Did you just-)" His wide-eyed astonishment brings a sense of satisfaction in midst of her anger. She regrets on using the remnant of his childhood, but it serves him right for being such a stubborn mule. If the man wants to dwell in the past, she may as well wake him up with something that he had been actively encouraged to forget.

"나 때문에 니가 독거노인으로 쓸쓸하게 죽는다면 내가 행복할 것 같아?  
(Do you think I will be happy if you die as a lonely old geezer because of me?)" She smacks him flat on the back to distract herself from welling up with emotions.

"은혜야, 잠깐-  
(Grace, wait-)" Chul Kyung forgets to dodge the blow due to the mental shock and grumbles from the unexpected pain.

"지금 널 아껴주는 사람이 나타났는데 그냥 놓칠 셈이야?  
(Are you going to miss out on someone who cares about you?)" She throws another punch and scowls when he blocks her arm. Her voice begins to choke as she tries to swallow down the sizeable lumps from the throat.

"외롭지 않아? 가족 만들고 싶지 않아?!  
(Aren't you lonely? Do you not want to make a family?!)" The knuckles on her fists turns white as she pounds on the concrete wall that still has the warmth of human contact. Grace shudders with a jolt of absorbed shock and wishes her physical pain can hide the tears.

"진짜 줄리앙을 좋아하지 않아?  
(Don't you really like Julien?)" That is the last question that Grace is willing to ask. Both look into each other's eyes and she sees how fast he blinks, appearing to be taken aback.

"좋아해.  
(I do.)" There comes the response that she sought out to hear. His eyes glint with thin lines of moist, which he rubs out hastily.

"좋아하는데, 그 사람이 죽으면. 내 마음속까지 들어와놓고, 죽어서 또 내 마음에 구멍을 남기면.  
(I like him, but what if he dies. What if he lets himself into my heart, dies, and leaves another empty hole.)" His usually composed tone is shaking with heavy breathing as if he is reliving his trauma, which are the tragic moments of witnessing the death of his loved ones.

"너 지키는 것도 간신히 하는데. 난 잃는것에 지쳤다, 은혜야.  
(You are someone that I am barely protecting. I am tired of losses, Grace.)" When his voice cracks, she almost breaks down with him. His face is hidden in the shadows but Grace can see a single drop of tear hanging on his chin. She is guilty of forcing him to rehash the old wound, but silence cannot always be the best way of dealing with the emotional strain. Grace wants to break down the mask that shuts his bottle tight and keeps him away from the happiness he deserves. It is time for the change of wind that will blow him to a new experience that he hasn't felt yet. Grace owes him part of her life and it is her turn to return the favour.

"내가 지켜주면 되지.  
(I can protect him.)" She clears her throat, pushes her slumped colleague up and beams at him.

"억지 부리지마.  
(Don't be absurd.)" He gives her a weak grin and shakes his head. Grace rolls her eyes at the same old negative attitude, pinches his arm and smirks at the reaction of pain from him.

"오빠가 날 지키면, 내가 걜 지키고. 걔가 오빠를 지켜주면 되지. 다른사람들도 있잖아. 줄리앙네 팀 보니까 다 듬직하고 한 떡대 하더만.  
(When you protect me, I can protect him, and he can protect you. There are others too, you know. Julien's team looks strong and sturdy.)" She pulls her phone out and types a series of numbers, which are the contact numbers of the operators that she just mentioned. Within few seconds, Chul Kyung checks his phone and reads the message that she had just sent.

"혼자서 앓지마. 이렇게 소통하면 돼잖아.  
(Stop suffering alone. We can talk things out, just like this.)" Grace nudges his shoulder and stumbles when he playfully pushes her back. They sluggishly stroll back to the barrack in silence, out of serene contempt combined with utter fatigue. When they reach inside, Grace is eager to bid farewell and rush off to shower.

"아, 내일 옥상으로 올라와. 오빠를 만나고 싶어하는 사람이 있어.  
(Oh, come up to the roof tomorrow. There is someone who wants to see you.)" She yells across the room before Chul Kyung walks off to the opposite direction.

"누구?  
(Who?)" He asks and furrows his eyebrows in suspicion.

"줄리앙 아니니까 걱정말고 가봐. 내일 12시, 꼭 이다.  
(It's not Julien so don't worry. Tomorrow at 12 pm, you better make it.)" She answers with a wide smile and runs into the women's shower bay, not wanting to hear any objection from him. Now it is all up to Gilles because tonight's conversation could be meaningless without a proper finish. Will he be more thoughtful with his words? Grace is aware of the difference in their personalities but Gilles is partly responsible in this matter. If he wants to help Julien, he will have to clean up the mess from his supposedly righteous advice. It may have been more appropriate to call Julien rather than Gilles, but Grace wants to broaden Chul Kyung's social boundary so maybe one day when he is stressed, she won't be the only one looking after his work-out frenzy.


	5. Chapter 5

The view on the top of Hereford Base isn't the prettiest. Its damn right ugly with grey concrete and empty dirt roads, but it's also the place that one can observe the horizon of conifer forests and grey skies of England. The cleaner scenery of the foreign land of Europe is very different from the morning mist of South Korea and Chul Kyung is more comfortable of waking up to the murky and azure dawn from his home base. He had been antsy all night, not knowing what to talk about with the person who he probably doesn't know too well. The only reason he agreed to this absurd idea is to appease Grace who stayed by his side during his phase of a reckless hamster in a gym ball. He takes a slow breath to calm his nerves but nearly swallows his own spit when the door at the staircase suddenly squeaked.

"What a place to chat." A certain giant of a man greets, then shuts his lips tight. Chul Kyung returns the greeting with a short nod minus the eye-contact. He is even more uncomfortable at the fact that Gilles, the person who he gave a death-stare, is the one that Grace arranged for a so-called casual chat. The general etiquette is different in England but he automatically tenses up whenever someone who is considerably older approaches him. Chul Kyung gulps when Gilles starts to walk toward him for a courteous handshake.

"Nice to see you again. I was surprised when you ran away. Have I offended you?" The way Gilles drop the subject discourages Chul Kyung. He shifts his posture to face Gilles for a brief moment.

"No." He lies, breaking the eye contact and shifting away. It was rash and stupid of him to glare at Gilles when Julien confessed to him, but he didn't appreciate the way the older Frenchman watching them, especially considering it felt like an intrusion of privacy.

"Oh. You looked very upset when Julien spoke to you." Gilles continues to press on the incident of the dramatically rude exit. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Chul Kyung tries to change the topic.

"How is he?" He finally looks at Gilles to ask of his former friend. Gilles nods at the eye contact and sighs.

"Not too good." Gilles explains that Julien hasn't been himself for the past few weeks. Even though the hopeless romanticist put on a strong facade, it couldn't fool his closest peers. Emmanuelle had to carry the taller man around, and Gustave was empathetic of the sappy young man and told him to give his crush a bit of time.

"I see." Behind those overly simple responses, Chul Kyung's heart aches with guilt and self-pity towards his incapability of pursuing a relationship that he secretly treasures.

"You should go and talk to him. He misses you." The suggestion is not something that Chul Kyung hadn't thought of. During his time of busy contemplation, he thought over what to say, how to react or even thinking of giving up on the relationship. If he didn't drag Grace along, he would have fallen into a ditch or shot himself in the foot. Minutes fly by along with gust of wind, and he starts to feel the tip of his nose becoming numb. Just as he thinks of something else to say, Gilles begins fidget his foot and stare at the door. Alarmed of his bad habit of slow responses, Chul Kyung's mouth opens to say something that isn't a complete garbage.

"I am sorry for my actions. I was afraid." He figures an apology is appropriate and sighs in relief when Gilles smiles at him for the first time in their awkward conversation.

"What were you afraid of?" Gilles asks, moving closer to Chul Kyung and resting his arms on the ledge. Preferring to keep his wide personal bubble undisturbed, the shy Korean steps back a little and keeps his eyes low.

"Not being able to protect the people that I care for." He briefly explains Grace's situation with their homeland organisation and the loss of family in his childhood. Gilles speaks some words of condolence and pats the other man's shoulder.

"While I understand your fear, I need to ask the reason behind your motivation of joining the army." Gilles scoots closer to Chul Kyung who squints in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He lets the older come closer but tenses his shoulders at the sudden chumminess.

"I joined to be a proud son to my father. He was an officer, you see." Gilles recounts the day he joined the National Gendarmerie. His mother wasn't too happy about her son walking into a life of peril, but she knew that it had been his dream career ever since he was a child. As an army officer, his father displayed the utmost importance of good moral values. He had been a hero in little Gilles' mind, who protected everybody that he held dear.

"Then I worked my way up to GIGN, determined to keep everybody safe. But as you know, failures are not nice to look at. I have been in many near-death situation with my comrades and felt the sense of defeat whenever I saw their coffins. I hated myself for not being able to protect them." The story allows Chul Kyung to imagine young Gilles with his trustworthy shield, desperate to block off the bullets in the frontline and gasping at the ones that flew past. Gilles describes the danger of his blind conviction to save everybody which led to an extreme exhaustion that nearly killed him.

"On the fifth day of marching without any rest, my arms gave up. I thought I was holding my shield, but every bit of my body had been pushed to the limit. The enemy shot my shoulder and knocked me out of consciousness, combined with my fatigue." The injury wasn't fatal and he was only pulled out of duty for few weeks. He used those times for some self-reflection and thought over his immature obsession to be the hero.

"One day, I asked myself why I even bother lifting this shield. What do I want to achieve by throwing myself into the front line, when there will be casualties no matter how much I try." Gilles stops his story to give his audience a moment to take this all in. Chul Kyung has been leaning in closer to Gilles with full of interest because the question relates to him on personal level. Although he never intended to be someone great, Chul Kyung has been pondering upon his purpose in the army and wondering if he will ever manage to achieve what he desires.

"It's a simple answer.. It came to me when I took a break with my comrades for a drink. I felt it when I lazily laid on the couch to watch some corny soap operas. The answer is here, even right now, when I am talking to you." Neither of them say anything at the sentimental remark.

"I thrive to protect those around me so I can enjoy my time with them. To save their lives and give everybody the chance to enjoy their days." It almost sounds like an altruist's dream but Gilles states his own basic need for happiness, which is something Chul Kyung had been preventing himself from.

"Death is always around the corner, Chul Kyung. But it's sad to see you pushing yourself away from the ordinary slices of joy that you deserve." There are no lies in those words. The aloof man bites into his lip and remembers the real reason why he chose this path of career. He knew it all along but didn't want to admit it, afraid of the bigger disappointment after acknowledging what his lonely heart needed..

"Tell me honestly. Why did you join the army?" Gilles asks and nudges the other softly on the arm.

"To belong." Chul Kyung replies and kicks some dirt on the ground out of embarrassment.

"Is that so?" Gilles steps closer for some sympathetic pats on the back.

"Yeah. I wanted to have a family that won't leave me." The Korean reiterates and lets out a dry cough. Admitting his wishes feels so alien and exposed, considering the amount of time and effort he had spent to hide any kind of emotions within him. His mask began to crack with Julien's help and Grace pulling him out of his shell. Hearing Gilles' motivation to join the force gave him some courage to voice out what he has been craving ever since he arrived in South Korea.

"I guess the Korean army didn't give you that sense of belonging." Gilles asks and Chul Kyung nods at the assumption.

"If not, you can find it here. Julien is a good guy. Too good, in my opinion. He will never leave you alone so do tell him if you want things to be slow. You might even want a refund after you accept his piece of mind." Both laugh and joke about how Julien reminds them of a needy puppy.

"He is already a handful." Chul Kyung chuckles and rolls his arms to stretch his stiff muscles from being unnecessarily nervous. They share some casual chat and decide to bid farewell before either of them catch a cold. It's unusual for him to initiate a handshake or any kind of physical contact with a person that he barely talks to, but Chul Kyung extends his hand out with a faint grin. Gilles clasps the sweaty hand and add few words of reassurance. With a sense of newfound courage and composure, Chul Kyung sets out to find the man he truly cares about, someone that he wouldn't miss for the world. It's time for a change and for the first in a while, he is not afraid to step out of his comfort zone. The older operator beams in pride and quickly picks up his phone to share his triumph with a few of the others.

Later that night, the three old musketeers gather by the living room to hear Gilles' success in talking to the quietest man in the base. He pays gratitude to Mike for the relationship advice, which Mike reacts by rolling his eyes with the most obvious expression of 'I-told-you-so.' They exchange a few sips of tea from the Brit's pot and Vicente leaves the room for a toilet-break. Gilles and Mike cease to talk as if Vicente has been the third spinning gear that keeps the conversation rolling. The two men don't open their mouths until Gilles decides to break the silence.

"Was it your personal experience?" Gilles quietly asks.

"What was?" Mike replies with a bored yawn.

"Choosing which side to stick with." Gilles mentions the relationship advice again and watches Mike gently shakes his head with a slight frown.

"Just some shenanigans that I heard.." Mike answers and pours another cup of tea for himself as he ignores the piercing attention from the curious man.

"Hm. Sounds very detailed for mild gossips." Gilles knows that he was being nosy but his inquisitiveness pushes the basic etiquette away.

"I had some flings but those were outside of the battlefield and we all remained as friendly strangers. Nothing significant." Mike let out an exaggerated sigh and cocks his eyebrows at Gilles as if he is graciously granting the desired response. Gilles doubts that Mike regarded those flings insignificant and wants to hear more sincere responses.

"How about someone from your job? On our line of work?" Gilles dares to delve further into Mike's past because he is intrigued of the aspect that Mike never seems to talk about. If some of their youngsters manages to find love in this base, Mike can surely find someone rather than rotting away old and alone.

"Fuck no. I can't afford to waste my time on a person who might die tomorrow, today or at this very hour if those bastards barge in." Mike appears to be mildly annoyed now and downs the hot liquid as if he is ready to leave at any moment.

"What if there is someone who would like to be with you after retirement?" That is the core of Gilles' inquisitiveness, asking about a situation where Mike would have someone to rely on.

"Who, you?" Mike's blank response almost makes Gilles drop the cup and spill the tea on his lap. He turns his head to face an unreadable expression from the tired Englishman. It is a half-smile that may pass this whole situation as a joke, but his eyes give a different message. They are shaking as if Mike sees a lost hope that he gave up a long time ago along with his livelier days. Gilles regrets breaching into Mike's innermost self as an exhausted veteran of almost forty years. When he hesitates to respond immediately, Mike breaks their eye contact and lets out a hollow chuckle.

"Ah, I'm just pulling your leg. Simmer down, mate." Mike stands up and slightly sways. Gilles stands up as well to help out but Mike firmly pushes the taller man back on the chair, denying the smallest act of courtesy.

"Don't bother." Mike mutters and slips out of the living room. Gilles is left alone with his own thoughts again, with a fresh knot of confusion his stomach. What was the intention behind Mike's joke? What had he done to bring out that kind of response? Was that even a _joke?_ He holds the urge to run after Mike for clarification because he is aware of the damage that his foolish mouth has caused. His mind continues to boggle over the situation that he didn't anticipate and the strange sensation in his stomach when Mike called him out. This is the first time for Gilles to see through Mike's mental barrier, witnessing an emotional turmoil of thirty years. A lifetime worth of devotion to violence can't be healthy for any human being. He wonders if those years are finally taking a toll on Mike, which may explain the uncharacteristic pretense. Supposing the jest is genuine, this may be the most depressing confession that he has ever heard.


End file.
